No offense...

So, I've been noticing how offended people get lately by things that are completely unoffensive. Now, I know I just wrote an article on how I think it's ok to take things personally in this business and I stand by that, but things that are non-offensive?

Here are some interpretations for your useful future as a band.

Jem: "That date is not currently available"
Interpretation: That date is not currently available. It doesn't mean that I don't want to work with you or that I think you suck. It simply means that the date is already promised to someone else and you wouldn't want me booting you if I promised you a date. Not only that, most of you I don't even know, so it's hard to want know who might do better until we get you in. It doesn't mean give up and hate us forever (unless you're just that type of person, which means you've probably just bridged the elusive gap of the ages 5 and 22). It just means the date is not available.

Jem: "Sunday through Thursday's are $100 rentals."
Interpretation: Sunday through Thursday are $100 rentals. I know you want to be paid, but how are we supposed to have a place for you to play in the future if there isn't a venue left. I know, I know. Gas prices suck. If you haven't noticed, so has the economy. We have to make ends meet too. In order to open up the club I have to be able to pay my staff. Your $100 goes directly to the sound engineer and door guy. It isn't a secret stash of money that we are saving up to pay bands we like better than you. Someday, we hope to free everyone of this burden. Someday soon. We just need a little help, just like you do.

Jem: "How many people do you bring to a show?"
Interpretation: We'd like to know how many people you can bring to a show not because we won't book you if you don't bring a lot, but so that we don't book an entire night of low drawing bands. Again, see the point on the economy above. I know a lot of bands just need a chance to get in front of some people, but that's not going to happen if I book your low-drawing band with two or three other low-drawing bands. I don't know everyone and what they draw. I'm sorry, but I don't. I'm working on it though and hopefully it won't matter how many people you draw in the future. For now, though, that's the way people's minds are set.

Jem: "Well, the last time you were here you were disrespectful/unprofessional/didn't pay your [insert whatever]".
Interpretation: Means we really don't want to work with you again unless you can honor your obligations or apologize or find some masterful way to make it up to us. There will be times we don't meet your expectations too because we're humans. If you don't tell us that we didn't meet your expectations though, we have no idea how to fix anything. I prefer to let people know how our needs were not met rather than just ignoring emails and hiding behind ignorance.

Jem: "Your band isn't even that good and you suck and the last six times I saw your band it was terrible and I walked out. You're not even a real band. I'm taking the time to search through thousands of pages to delete your profile."
Interpretation: Just kidding. I don't say things like this. I'm not seven.